This week, we’re bringing you stories about the financial impact of divorce.
Sometimes, divorcing couples clash over who gets the car or the house. Other times, it’s the collection of refrigerator magnets.
The belongings that turn into flashpoints in divorce negotiations aren’t a coincidence. Some might seem insignificant, but they can be vessels for grief, anger and other feelings about the end of a relationship.
“The more hostile the divorce, the more unusual both parties’ demands are likely to be,” said Alexander Schwartz, a Connecticut divorce attorney.
We spoke with divorcees, lawyers and financial advisers about battles over four objects—and one dog.
The Walgreens Rewards Account
The most trivial point of contention in Brooke and Andrew Reese’s divorce was a Walgreens rewards account. It was tied to Brooke’s phone number, but she said that during mediation Andrew asked for the account, along with its points and coupons.
Brooke, 40, let him have it. “I just use CVS now,” she said.
Seven years later, neither remembers the value of what was on the account.
Andrew, 37, doesn’t even recall trying to claim it, but said he had a desire to come out of the divorce feeling like he had won.
That sometimes led him to fight over things he didn’t particularly like, such as a round kitchen table worth perhaps a few hundred dollars.
His lawyer recommended he let that one go. Looking back now, he said, “I just didn’t want her to have it.”
The Chocolate Lab
One client of Alexander Schwartz, a Connecticut divorce attorney, spent about $70,000 on fighting for sole custody of a Labrador retriever that the client and his ex originally bought for $3,000.
The client didn’t even want the dog, Schwartz said. He just knew his wife adored it.
“Custody and visitation of children are sometimes easier to negotiate over than pets,” Schwartz said.
The client gave up his campaign after Schwartz presented him with an itemized bill as a gentle suggestion that he direct his resources elsewhere.
“Although my client would have loved a different outcome, he was satisfied with putting his wife through months of pain,” Schwartz said.
The Leg Lamp
Kathy Costas, a financial adviser at EP Wealth Advisors in the Los Angeles area, once had a client who battled over a leg-shaped lamp like the iconic one in the movie “A Christmas Story.” The woman’s soon-to-be ex had given it to her when they started watching the movie together as a holiday tradition.
The couple’s legal squabble over the lamp and a collection of souvenir refrigerator magnets from traveling with their children cost them about $10,000 in attorneys’ time, Costas estimated.
“In both of these cases, sadly, it wasn’t about the item they were fighting about. It was about hurting the other person,” said Costas.
Her client felt she had already given up enough in her marriage and divorce, and was fighting for the lamp on principle.
In the end, the husband bought her out of her half of it for about $75. They divided the magnet collection.
The Spices
Around the time Bridget Lehman got divorced, she was cooking dinner for her children when she opened her cupboard to find that her spice collection—about 100 jars, including ones from specialty shops and her travels—was gone.
She said that when she texted her ex-husband, he told her that he took them to keep her from cooking for another man.
Lehman, a 36-year-old interior designer in Bridgeport, Neb., didn’t fight to get them back. She had already spent tens of thousands of dollars in attorney fees on a process that dragged on for roughly two years.
“They can be replaced,” she said of the spices. “I was just mentally exhausted.”
Seven years later, Lehman said she and her ex get along and sometimes spend time together with their children. She said the spices became a running joke. If he mentions he is grilling steaks, she might say, “Well, good thing you’ve got plenty of spices.”
She said she has been rebuilding her collection, jar by jar.
The Engagement Ring
Some items once defined by their sentimental value can become just another asset in the financial tug of war during a divorce.
When Kelley Long’s roughly two-year marriage ended, she fought to keep her diamond engagement ring, which she estimates cost $10,000. She wanted to repurpose it as a pendant to symbolize a new beginning. Her ex-husband wanted it back to sell for cash.
Their divorce got contentious. She said he changed the locks to their home.
Long, 48, ultimately decided to give back the ring because she felt bad about her ex’s financial situation. Once she surrendered it, they finalized the divorce. Her ex declined to comment.
“Since I was the one who wanted the divorce, it felt like the right thing to do and a way to show kindness,” said Long, a financial planner in Tucson, Ariz.
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Write to Veronica Dagher at [email protected], Dalvin Brown at [email protected] and Annie Ng at [email protected]